Our wedding was beyond what any cookie cutter could mould into. We didn’t like typical. Our personality and love didn’t fit the mould. And so we made it our own.
A lot of people didn’t understand. Friends and family alike couldn’t grasp the idea of our wedding setting on a cliff above glass aisles. Or the idea of us serving Indonesian food and not Western. Even the idea of delegating to our bridesmaids and groomsmen since most wedding don’t need any help from anyone but the bride and the groom alone. This wasn’t what anyone was accustomed to. But if they think you’re too much. They aren’t your people. This batch of 50 people we had invited on our special day, they were our people. Nothing was too grand a task, too far a journey, too insane of an idea.
The wedding happened so fast. But I slowed it down in a way by being as present as much as I could in every moment. I had someone from Team Greylayers hold onto my phone and take photos and videos for later’s posts. I felt every second and really memorized every detail and emotion.
For a long time, I’ve known love to consist of I’s. As a woman of independence, built on self love, I knew to never fully surrender. Always one foot on the ground, as Regina Spektor’s Fidelity song goes. I’m glad that the love I had to share was whole.
We are wholes, not halves( I talked about this a lot here). Your partner, doesn’t deserve someone who isn’t fully whole. Therefore loving yourself most, giving yourself everything and knowing to stand on your own is of utmost importance before jumping into marriage. We aren’t here to get married for completion. Although a lot of people unfortunately do. We are here to join two wholes and ignite the brightest fire there is. And as two wholes becoming as one, that’s exactly what happened.
I started chipping pieces of myself, selflessly handing it all to him. The act of surrender. The act of understanding that there is no I in all of this. The act of faith that it’s all okay to walk on the glass ground knowing it’s all going to be okay. The act of love.
- Get off your phone starting 48 hours before the wedding.
- 5 days in, stop with any wedding planning, changes or basically anything that has to do with the wedding. Relax, sight see, take a breath.
- On the day of the wedding, breathe and come to the beautiful acceptance that there is absolutely nothing that’s in your control today. Pray, be grateful and realize that everything that happens today will be beautiful either way. And it will be.
- On the day of the wedding, show emotion, smile, and laugh. Take it all in and show it all on your face! This is your and your partner’s day!
- Enjoy what you paid for. You picked the food and drink, make sure you partake in consuming them! A lot of couples forget to because they’re too busy catering to their guests. This is your day. You get to put you first.
- Have a sense of humor. Life will throw some things at you during this time and you have to know how to go with it, laugh and learn.
- There is no “I”. As a woman of independence, I was never one to be about teamwork. Planning a wedding consists of teamwork. Being in a marriage will need tons of that too.
- Quality over Quantity. We didn’t opt for a big wedding because we only value a handful of people in our lives who value us the same way. Those are the people that were able to make it out halfway across the world and be with us on our most special day. Those are the only ones we need. The wedding is a filter. Watch, listen and learn because lessons learned from the wedding, aren’t just lessons, they are the ones to keep for life.
- Be selfish. I see a lot of brides and grooms take on everything. The second I chose my bridesmaids, and Varick chose is groomsmen, we delegated right away. Think of a wedding as a huge project. A project needs teamwork. And Teamwork consists of a team working together. Learn to share the wedding and ask for help. Be selfish and put yourself first. I have been selfless, giving and understanding my whole life. Our wedding was the time I chose to put me, us, my emotions, our ideas, our methods and our selections first before anyone else, whether people liked it or not. Looking back, I regret nothing and as a couple, we wouldn’t change anything out of how we did every single detail of selfishness. We claimed that. It was ours.
[Wedding Video by Yossuana Aguilar]